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I find a note on the table. Evidently Mireille has finished her “spa day” as she likes to call it, and gone somewhere else. I pick it up and take it with me into the bathroom.
Kirika,
I’ve finished my spa and am going to the range this afternoon.
Thanks for breakfast. When I get back I’m going to make you dinner.
M

PS- Please never run away like you did last night. That really upset me.
If you really feel about me like you say you do, never do that again.

There is a scribble underneath that she’s crossed out, then just written her initial again. Finishing up in the bathroom, I take the note over to the window and hold it up to the light. I can’t make it out, so I fold the note and place it in my pocket. The late afternoon sun is very red and gold, with the gold colors reminding me of Mireille’s hair. I open the window as wide as it will go, letting in the last of the day. I look at the shutter swinging in the breeze next to me, and think back to when I'd gotten Mireille to pose for me. I remember what she’d said as she had taken off her top. I can’t believe I’m doing this. What would my parents think?
“They would just want you to be happy, Mireille.” I stick my face outside the window, sniffing in the fresh air. “I think...they would want us to be happy.”
The back of my shoulder itches, and I lean back lazily into the shutter, using it to my advantage. I straighten up at attention as I see Anton’s car pull up below. There’s no mistaking it; it’s very new and flashy. They must have gone shooting at the range together. A small twinge of jealousy runs through me and I grip the shutter tighter as Mireille doesn’t get out of the car. What is she doing in there?
Finally I see her exit the car, laughing. She runs around to the driver’s side and Anton rolls down the window. She leans in and kisses him. Kisses him. My stomach turns and I gasp for breath. I see her turn away and he’s grabbing her arm, pulling her back to him. She leans in and pinches his nose, then swats at him. He lets go and she goes bounding into our building.
I sink down onto the floor, shaking. How could she? How could she do this?

“Kirika?” she switches on the light as she enters the apartment. “Are you here?”
I don’t answer. I feel like I want to throw up- I’m so angry, and so sad- all at the same time. I hear her moving about, and finally I hear a gasp as she spots me on the floor against the wall.
“Kirika!” she runs over to me. Her hands touch my shoulders but I grab her hands and throw them away from me.
“Don’t touch me!”
“Kirika! What’s gotten into you?”
“What’s gotten into you? Kissing Anton like that!”
I hear her slam the shutters above my head.
“It was just a silly bet! Kirika- it was the first and last time, I swear!”
I don’t answer. She’s got no right, she has no right…
“I was just feeling sorry for him, he said you got one and he didn’t. Kirika…”
She drops down to me but I swat her away again. She straightens back up.
“At least it was just one kiss- who knows what you did with Chloe!”
My leg reaches out to kick her but she jumps aside, landing on all fours. She crawls forward, retrieves her purse, and gives me a glaring look. She gets up and begins to walk away.
“Maybe next time I’ll do more than kiss him. Maybe next time I’ll fuck him like he really wants me to.” she sneers over her shoulder at me. I lunge to my feet. I run towards her, past the pool table, leaning in to rip the gun out from underneath it. She turns and draws her gun from her purse as I land heavily on top of her. The familiar clicks sound across the room as we point our weapons at each other. Mine is directly on her forehead; hers is at my left temple. I’m panting, shaking, and barely able to see her through the blurred tears in my eyes.
Something- some thing won’t let me pull the trigger. I look down at her. She’s got tears in her eyes too.
“This is how it should end, isn’t it?” she whispers up at me.
My brain is racing, my heart is racing, I can feel the blood pounding through my head like a hammer.
“Let’s count to three together.” Her voice seems like it’s far away, in a dream. I feel the metal press harder into my head.
“One.”
Killing…
“Two.”
…is the easy way out.
I drop my gun and grab her face in my hands, kissing her hard, so hard it almost hurts my mouth. I hear her gun go off and something crashes to the floor. Her arms go around me and her hands are in my hair, pulling it, pulling me, rolling me onto my back. Her lips wrestle the anger out of mine as we move together, the energy of anger melting between us as we press into each other. She’s kissing my cheeks, my eyelashes, my entire face. I can feel tears when her face touches mine; she’s crying. She stops and buries her face into my shoulder. I can feel her body shaking now, and hold her as tightly as I can. I can sense, I can feel the battle that she’s fighting.
“Your parents….would just want you to be happy now, Mireille.” I whisper to her. She doesn’t answer me, but the way her body moves, as if trying to cling to mine, tells me she’s heard me. I let her cry, feeling her body relax bit by bit as I stroke my hands over her. I listen to her breathing, and the slow tick of the clock on the living room wall. A car passes by now and then; just when I begin to wonder if she’s fallen asleep, she moves and kisses me lightly on my ear.
“Make some tea for us?”
Us.
I grunt in agreement. She gives my ear another kiss “Going to take a quick shower.” She moves to get up slowly, and I’m hesitant to release her.
“Wonder what I shot earlier?” she muses as she finally gets up, stretching.
I look around as she makes her way to the bathroom. It seems the print over the bookcase has suffered an injury; I pick it up off the floor and brush the broken glass to one side with my shoe. I set it on the bookshelf and notice some copies of the papers from the book. One of the lines catches my attention.

While the sin itself never fades away
Love too, shall never disappear

From now on, I will live with both.

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