Page 10

The way the sun is in my eyes, I can tell I’ve slept longer than usual. I lay still for a moment, re-living the night before. I get up and wander out into the living room, looking for Mireille. She’s not at the computer. I turn and see her curled up on the sofa, her back to me. I’m amazed to see her sleep so late. She looks to be in a deep sleep as I watch her side rise and fall with each breath. Last night must have really drained her. I know what it did to me….suddenly my stomach growls loudly and I back away from her and head into the kitchen.

I’ve made breakfast; not as good as she does, but for once I’m the first one up, and I’m hungry. I set the table for the both of us. It smells good- I didn’t burn anything, not even the toast. I go back to the sofa. She’s turned and is now facing me. I squat down so my face is even with hers. I notice a lump in her hair and realize she’s still got that little seal I gave her. I try to gently disengage it but her eyes flutter open and she gives me a curious look.
“There’s… a seal in your hair.”
Her eyes widen. “Oh…” she whispers, more to herself than me. She crinkles her nose and sniffs.
“Did you… cook something?” her voice is stronger now.
“I made us breakfast.” I can’t help but smile proudly.
“Smells good.” she observes quietly. Her voice sounds a little hoarse today, maybe from her crying last night.
“Come eat.” I stand up and hold out my hand to her. She looks at my hand for a moment, then slowly reaches out and lets me wrap my hand around hers. I help pull her up and we walk over to the table together. I find myself wanting to skip for joy. She knows I love her- and we are still here. Holding hands- or at least I’m holding hers. I let go of her so she can sit down.
“Mmmm… I might need some coffee this morning.” she yawns her thought out loud.
“I’ll get it.” I jump up. Her hand reaches out and grabs my arm.
“You don’t have to wait on me because… because of how you feel.” her tone is anxious and her last words seem to take extra effort.
I look at her. She stares back at me, waiting.
“Maybe I want to wait on you…because of how I feel.” I say quietly. I’m not going to deny it, not anymore.
She looks at me a moment longer, then her hand and her head drop down.
“Don’t go spoiling me, Kirika.” she says in a tone that makes my heart jump funny again.
“Impossible.” I look down at her.
“I really do have a seal stuck in my hair, don’t I?” she murmurs out loud, playing with the knot of hair on her shoulder.
I smile all the way into the kitchen. Take care of her.
“I will, one day at a time.”

“How’s the ice cream?” Uncle asks. He scoops out another spoonful of his cup and I watch the sprinkles roll down and escape onto his suit. Somehow, at this moment, he doesn’t seem like Soldats at all. He really feels like an uncle.
“Hrmph.” I nod my head, my mouth full of crunchy cone. Due to my oversleeping this morning, I was almost late to meet him today. I told him about the events of last night and he declared that an ice cream was in order.
We sit in comfortable silence, finishing our treats.
“You know what you were saying earlier about being not able to undo what has been done?” he asks, wiping off his mouth with a napkin.
I nod my head, my mouth still full. He reaches inside his suit and pulls out his wallet. He flips through it slowly until he finds something.
“We all have our moments of regret, Kirika.” he says gravely, handing me a picture. I shove the last of the cone in my mouth and wipe my hands on my shorts before taking it.
My eyes widen. It’s a picture of a girl who resembles me. She looks about the same age. The picture must be old though, I can see it’s a little faded and worn.
“That was my daughter.” I hear his voice in my ear, answering the question for me. He straightens up and looks into the distance.
“She came home and said she needed a new pair of running shoes for school. I told her she needed to wait till after dinner to get them.”
He pauses for a moment.
“She was so mad at me that she wouldn’t speak to me at all during dinner. Not one word.” I see his hand tighten around his cane.
“Then she left. I never saw her again.” he sighs deeply. “She was killed in a car accident on the way home with her new shoes.”
“Uncle…”
“I still have those shoes in the box.” he reaches and takes the picture from me.
“I’m sorry.” I put my hand over his and can feel his hand holding the cane very tightly, as if he's holding onto that moment itself.
“I can never take back that moment, Kirika, any more than you can take back yours. There is no atonement; only forgiveness.”
“Forgiveness…”
His hand on the cane moves a bit, and takes mine. It feels very warm and strong. I give a deep sigh.
“You were no more than a tool, a machine then. Machines can kill- but we cannot build a machine capable of courage, of forgiveness…or of love.”
We sit for a moment, as I let this thought sink in.
“She’s already forgiven you. She came to the manor for you, Kirika.”
She had come- and I’d never really thought to ask her why. Was it love that brought her there?
“But the hardest part remains. You need to forgive yourself, and she needs to do the same.”
“Mireille? Forgive herself for what?” I cannot imagine Mireille feels guilty for the lives she's taken. It seems not to bother her at all.
He clears his throat again before speaking.
“I’ve watched Mireille for a long time. All her life was focused on one thing: training her skills so that some day she would find the one who killed her family, and avenge them. But the tables have turned; my, how they’ve turned.”
I stare at him. I think I know what he’s going to say.
“It- dishonors her family if she loves me?” All of a sudden I remember her from last night, pushing the gun at me. You do it…you should be the one to do it. Send me back with my family.
“Killing is the easy way out.” Uncle says, looking at me as if he can read my thoughts. He takes his hand from mine and pulls up his sleeve, checking the time.
“I have an appointment.” he says apologetically, and groans as he stands. I stand with him, and he looks down at me and ruffles my hair.
“I will never have another daughter.” he plays with my hair for a moment. “But I do enjoy the chance to have a niece.”
“Thank you…Uncle.”
His hand goes down my face and he pulls my chin up.
“Don’t take the easy way out, Kirika.”